Global Village Idiot Blog
The urge to save humanity is almost always a false front for the urge to rule it. -- H L Mencken
Global Village Idiot Blog
HEROIC HOLLYWOOD UPDATE
Read how I got kicked out of Hollywood here!
Read my screenplay Global Village Idiot here for free!
It's said that Bertrand Russell was so exhausted by the intellectual effort he expended on his philosophical masterwork Principia Mathematica, that he lay bedridden for several months after its completion, unable to speak or write, and in such a deteriorated mental state that the great thinker could only communicate with his caretakers using a combination of facial ticks and the humming of popular showtunes.
I know how he felt.
For many long weeks now, I've been working feverishly on the new videos to accompany my Heroic Hollywood screenwriting posts on Big Hollywood.
I wish I could say I'm nearing completion of my work, but finishing the first batch of videos is still a long ways off. In the meantime, here's an advance look at some of the sophisticated analysis I hope to reveal in my first video lesson on screenwriting.
It took many hours of focused thought and several highballs of scotch and soda to create this graph, which automatically calculates the precise page and paragraph position of key plot points of any Hollywood screenplay by analyzing the mathematical relationships of storyline variables and applying them across a matrix of quantum mechanical forces, Higgs transformations and single-malt scotch. I'll provide a full explanation of its use in my first video, which is tentatively titled An Introduction to the Ethical Principles and Moral Theory of Hollywood Hack Writing.
Writing for Hollywood ain't rocket science...
...it's much harder!
Read my screenplay Global Village Idiot here for free!
It's said that Bertrand Russell was so exhausted by the intellectual effort he expended on his philosophical masterwork Principia Mathematica, that he lay bedridden for several months after its completion, unable to speak or write, and in such a deteriorated mental state that the great thinker could only communicate with his caretakers using a combination of facial ticks and the humming of popular showtunes.
I know how he felt.
For many long weeks now, I've been working feverishly on the new videos to accompany my Heroic Hollywood screenwriting posts on Big Hollywood.
I wish I could say I'm nearing completion of my work, but finishing the first batch of videos is still a long ways off. In the meantime, here's an advance look at some of the sophisticated analysis I hope to reveal in my first video lesson on screenwriting.
It took many hours of focused thought and several highballs of scotch and soda to create this graph, which automatically calculates the precise page and paragraph position of key plot points of any Hollywood screenplay by analyzing the mathematical relationships of storyline variables and applying them across a matrix of quantum mechanical forces, Higgs transformations and single-malt scotch. I'll provide a full explanation of its use in my first video, which is tentatively titled An Introduction to the Ethical Principles and Moral Theory of Hollywood Hack Writing.
Writing for Hollywood ain't rocket science...
...it's much harder!
BIG HOLLYWOOD AND AMERICA'S NEWEST CITIZEN
Read how I got kicked out of Hollywood here!
Read my screenplay Global Village Idiot here for free!
My latest post on Big Hollywood just went up, and you can find it here.
It was ready to go more than a week ago, but the NEA and ACORN news was breaking, and Breitbart himself was breaking it. Big Hollywood and now Big Government were the driving forces behind the stories...so much so, that the mainstream media and -- finally -- the administration itself couldn't ignore them. (Hmmm...actually, it was the other way 'round -- first the administration, then the media, a validation of the State-Run Media meme.) So a backlog of posts were held up to cover these time-sensitive stories. The posts are back to normal now, so here it is.
I'm also happy to announce that my wife was sworn in as an American citizen last week on September 25, 2009. She studied her English and American history very hard and jumped through more than 8 years of immigration hoops to achieve her goal, and I'm very proud of her. Here's a shot of the ceremony, held at the Los Angeles Memorial Sports Arena, at which 2300 were sworn in...
My wife is a remarkable person, and here's a short film I made this summer that describes her far better than I could in words...
Read my screenplay Global Village Idiot here for free!
My latest post on Big Hollywood just went up, and you can find it here.
It was ready to go more than a week ago, but the NEA and ACORN news was breaking, and Breitbart himself was breaking it. Big Hollywood and now Big Government were the driving forces behind the stories...so much so, that the mainstream media and -- finally -- the administration itself couldn't ignore them. (Hmmm...actually, it was the other way 'round -- first the administration, then the media, a validation of the State-Run Media meme.) So a backlog of posts were held up to cover these time-sensitive stories. The posts are back to normal now, so here it is.
I'm also happy to announce that my wife was sworn in as an American citizen last week on September 25, 2009. She studied her English and American history very hard and jumped through more than 8 years of immigration hoops to achieve her goal, and I'm very proud of her. Here's a shot of the ceremony, held at the Los Angeles Memorial Sports Arena, at which 2300 were sworn in...
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My wife is a remarkable person, and here's a short film I made this summer that describes her far better than I could in words...
BIG HOLLYWOOD PREVIEW
Read how I got kicked out of Hollywood here!
Read my screenplay Global Village Idiot here for free!
Several people have asked when my next post for Big Hollywood will be up. I'm putting the finishing touches on it right now, and it should be ready sometime late next week. In the meantime, here's a preview!
A reproduction of The Kid lobby card has hung above my computer for nearly a decade, and every time I look at it, I see something new about how to write for the movies. I'm passing it all along in my next post.
Read my screenplay Global Village Idiot here for free!
Several people have asked when my next post for Big Hollywood will be up. I'm putting the finishing touches on it right now, and it should be ready sometime late next week. In the meantime, here's a preview!
 Best. Lesson. Ever. in Hollywood Screenwriting |
If you want to write for Hollywood, I suggest you print out the picture above and hang it up where it can be seen as you work. Study it often, because this single image is the best lesson you’ll ever have in how to write for the movies. It illustrates many of the essential elements you’ll need to keep in mind as your write your Hollywood screenplay.
This faded, 90-year-old lobby card from Charlie Chaplin’s The Kid is a visual reminder of the kind of movie that producers, studios and – most importantly -- audiences are looking for.
And that’s no accident. This lobby card had a specific purpose: to bring people into the theater. Chaplin chose this particular image because it effectively answers the first three questions that are always on the mind of the audience when the lights go down on a Hollywood movie...
A reproduction of The Kid lobby card has hung above my computer for nearly a decade, and every time I look at it, I see something new about how to write for the movies. I'm passing it all along in my next post.
La Cañada Flintridge Station Fire
Last night, my wife and I traveled about 8 miles to the bottom of the foothills in La Cañada Flintridge to see the Station fire.Here's a few short clips of what we saw.
OBAMA LIED -- TAXPAYERS CRIED
Read how I got kicked out of Hollywood here!
Read my screenplay Global Village Idiot here for free!
While the President vacations on Martha's Vineyard, the news is reporting this morning that the White House projects bigger deficits and bigger debt. How much bigger? More than two trillion more in the deficit and a debt that is three-quarters the size of the entire national economy. This is much more than the White House was projecting only a few months ago.
How does the administration explain their misreading of the situation?
"This recession was simply worse than the information that we and otherforecasters had back in last fall and early this winter," Romer said.
Sorry, but I'm going to adopt the same attitude of the left on this one.
When no large caches of ready-to-launch weapons of mass destruction were found in Iraq after the second Gulf War, President Bush explained that the intelligence information that he and other Western Nations around the world relied on was bad causing a misreading of the situation.
And what did the left say to that?
They shouted "Bush Lied -- People Died!"
Sauce, meet the Gander.
At the next townhall, please feel free to shout the following at your local Congresscritter:
Obama Lied -- Taxpayers Cried!
Read my screenplay Global Village Idiot here for free!
While the President vacations on Martha's Vineyard, the news is reporting this morning that the White House projects bigger deficits and bigger debt. How much bigger? More than two trillion more in the deficit and a debt that is three-quarters the size of the entire national economy. This is much more than the White House was projecting only a few months ago.
How does the administration explain their misreading of the situation?
"This recession was simply worse than the information that we and otherforecasters had back in last fall and early this winter," Romer said.
Sorry, but I'm going to adopt the same attitude of the left on this one.
When no large caches of ready-to-launch weapons of mass destruction were found in Iraq after the second Gulf War, President Bush explained that the intelligence information that he and other Western Nations around the world relied on was bad causing a misreading of the situation.
And what did the left say to that?
They shouted "Bush Lied -- People Died!"
Sauce, meet the Gander.
At the next townhall, please feel free to shout the following at your local Congresscritter:
Obama Lied -- Taxpayers Cried!
MY CLOSET OF SHAME
Read how I got kicked out of Hollywood here!
Read my screenplay Global Village Idiot here for free!
Every Hollywood screenwriter has one: a Closet of Shame.
It's the place where unsold screenplays go to...
I was going to say "go to die," but really they go to into hibernation. Like Walt Disney, chillin' like a fish stick under the Pirates of the Caribbean ride, screenplays are put into cryogenic Deep Freeze in the hopes they can be revived and reworked in future days. If the entire screenplay can't be reanimated, then scenes, ideas and dialogue can be thawed out and recycled into new works.
A few days ago I pulled an old script from the closet. I read it through and it still seemed lively and relevant,despite the occasional freezer burn of bad scenes and sloppy plotting.
So I'm thinking of rewriting some scenes and trying to sell it again. Last night I searched my computer for previous drafts, and came up with a .wav file of a theme song I wrote for the movie.
Yeah...a theme song. For a screenplay. That never sold.
At the time I wrote the script, I had just purchased a Yamaha PSR-2 keyboard and music recording software for the computer. The script was an old-fashioned action/adventure film that had a bit of swashbuckling in it, and I thought of all those great adventure themes from Korngold, such as The Sea Hawk and The Adventures of Robin Hood, and I thought I'd try and write something similar.
There was one scene in the script that I really wanted to capture in music. I had written a scene where a group of officers from an elite military corps, break into song. They sing a battle hymn together, like Marines singing "The Marine Corps Hymn" or Cavalry Officers singing the famous theme of the 7th Cavalry "Gary Owen," as seen here in "They Died With Their Boots On."
My mad performance skilz are the opposite of awesome, so it took several days of recording to get the tune written and the tracks played without any mistakes. It's called "Sons of the Sword Corps", and you can hear it yourself below in all its mid-90s Yamaha midi glory. Let me know what you think!
Read my screenplay Global Village Idiot here for free!
Every Hollywood screenwriter has one: a Closet of Shame.
It's the place where unsold screenplays go to...
I was going to say "go to die," but really they go to into hibernation. Like Walt Disney, chillin' like a fish stick under the Pirates of the Caribbean ride, screenplays are put into cryogenic Deep Freeze in the hopes they can be revived and reworked in future days. If the entire screenplay can't be reanimated, then scenes, ideas and dialogue can be thawed out and recycled into new works.
A few days ago I pulled an old script from the closet. I read it through and it still seemed lively and relevant,despite the occasional freezer burn of bad scenes and sloppy plotting.
So I'm thinking of rewriting some scenes and trying to sell it again. Last night I searched my computer for previous drafts, and came up with a .wav file of a theme song I wrote for the movie.
Yeah...a theme song. For a screenplay. That never sold.
At the time I wrote the script, I had just purchased a Yamaha PSR-2 keyboard and music recording software for the computer. The script was an old-fashioned action/adventure film that had a bit of swashbuckling in it, and I thought of all those great adventure themes from Korngold, such as The Sea Hawk and The Adventures of Robin Hood, and I thought I'd try and write something similar.
There was one scene in the script that I really wanted to capture in music. I had written a scene where a group of officers from an elite military corps, break into song. They sing a battle hymn together, like Marines singing "The Marine Corps Hymn" or Cavalry Officers singing the famous theme of the 7th Cavalry "Gary Owen," as seen here in "They Died With Their Boots On."
My mad performance skilz are the opposite of awesome, so it took several days of recording to get the tune written and the tracks played without any mistakes. It's called "Sons of the Sword Corps", and you can hear it yourself below in all its mid-90s Yamaha midi glory. Let me know what you think!
I SWEAR I'M WORKING ON IT
Read how I got kicked out of Hollywood here!
Read my screenplay Global Village Idiot here for free!
Yeah, I know.
I've been promising a new screenwriting post on Big Hollywood for several weeks now. And despite all the work I've put into it, it's not in shape to publish, just yet.
One reason for the difficulty is that I'm really trying to put down on paper the exact thoughts that go through my head as I write a screenplay. I'm trying to make clear what I am thinking and why I am thinking it as I create the movie. That kind of stuff is hard to pin down.
I really want to avoid the usual bromides and platitudes about screenwriting, which would be of no use to anyone. So I've dedicated myself to letting you know what actually goes on in my mind during the writing process. It just plain difficult to do, so that's the main reason for the delay.
In the meantime, I've created some artwork to go along with the essay that I hope will explain some of the concepts I've come up with. Here's a sneak peak at two of them.
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Can you guess what I'm thinking?
Another reason for the delay is having to attend to the demands of daily life...although, some of the demands have been quite pleasant. For example, I took a trip back east last week, and I have the pictures to prove it...
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All for now. I have more time for writing in the next few days, so I plan to make good progress.
Hope to see you soon on Big Hollywood.
HEROIC HOLLYWOOD: THE MORAL OF THE STORY (RECONSTITUTED)
Read how I got kicked out of Hollywood here!
Read my screenplay Global Village Idiot here for free!
(As I mentioned below, I inadvertently deleted this post and it's comments. So here it is again, reconstituted like this morning's orange juice. I apologize if I left anything out!)
I've got a new post up at Big Hollywood called The Moral of the Story. It's pretty inside baseball stuff about how choosing a moral theme can help structure your screenplay. Unless you're a writer, it's unlikely you'll find it interesting. But if you are a beginning screenwriter, or thinking of becoming one, I think you'll find it useful in your work.
It's part of a series I'm doing called Heroic Hollywood, in which I try to help screenwriters understand the philosophy and mechanics behind writing the classic Hollywood screenplay.
Behind every post I'm writing is this thought: I wish someone had told me this stuff when I was starting out.
I earned my bachelor degree in film production , but I learned nothing useful about writing a screenplay in the four years it took to get my degree. I learned by watching movies and by collaborating on screenplays with my two best friends who taught me everything about screenwriting in those early years.
In truth, we taught each other -- simply by trying to mimic the rhythms and structures of the movies we loved. We certainly discussed technical issues, such as how to introduce a character, or how to set up the next scene. But we seldom had deep-dish discussions about what we were doing -- or why.
It was only in my later years, that I started to try and figure out why I -- and my fellow Hollywood writers -- write the way that we do. I'm not going to claim that my insights are terribly original or groundbreaking. In fact, quite the opposite -- I'm just writing down the process that thousands of screenwriters go through when they think about their screenplays.
I hope you find these posts useful. I really do wish someone had told me this stuff when I first started out!
Read my screenplay Global Village Idiot here for free!
(As I mentioned below, I inadvertently deleted this post and it's comments. So here it is again, reconstituted like this morning's orange juice. I apologize if I left anything out!)
I've got a new post up at Big Hollywood called The Moral of the Story. It's pretty inside baseball stuff about how choosing a moral theme can help structure your screenplay. Unless you're a writer, it's unlikely you'll find it interesting. But if you are a beginning screenwriter, or thinking of becoming one, I think you'll find it useful in your work.
It's part of a series I'm doing called Heroic Hollywood, in which I try to help screenwriters understand the philosophy and mechanics behind writing the classic Hollywood screenplay.
Behind every post I'm writing is this thought: I wish someone had told me this stuff when I was starting out.
I earned my bachelor degree in film production , but I learned nothing useful about writing a screenplay in the four years it took to get my degree. I learned by watching movies and by collaborating on screenplays with my two best friends who taught me everything about screenwriting in those early years.
In truth, we taught each other -- simply by trying to mimic the rhythms and structures of the movies we loved. We certainly discussed technical issues, such as how to introduce a character, or how to set up the next scene. But we seldom had deep-dish discussions about what we were doing -- or why.
It was only in my later years, that I started to try and figure out why I -- and my fellow Hollywood writers -- write the way that we do. I'm not going to claim that my insights are terribly original or groundbreaking. In fact, quite the opposite -- I'm just writing down the process that thousands of screenwriters go through when they think about their screenplays.
I hope you find these posts useful. I really do wish someone had told me this stuff when I first started out!
GLOBAL VILLAGE IDIOT? UMMM...THAT WOULD BE ME
There used to be a post here, but it disappeared...sort of like Hugh Jackman in The Prestige, when he drops through a trap door during a performance. Unfortunately, he ends up breaking his legs in the fall, and that's sort of what happened to me.
I was attempting to delete the spam that occasionally sneaks through in comments and ended up deleting the entire post by mistake, including the comments. I wasn't concerned about the post itself, which was mostly just some background info. But I cringed at losing the comments, which belong not to me but to the people who left them, and I felt bad because they were in my care.
As soon as I discovered my mistake, I made a beeline to Google cache and found the post and made a copy, but the comments were not part of the screen. But I think I still have them as part of my email, so I will go though my email and try to construct the post along with the comments as best I can. I'll get to it as soon and I apologize for the screw-up.
In the meantime, I'm working hard on my next post for Big Hollywood, which I hope to finish this weekend.
See you in Hollywood...
I was attempting to delete the spam that occasionally sneaks through in comments and ended up deleting the entire post by mistake, including the comments. I wasn't concerned about the post itself, which was mostly just some background info. But I cringed at losing the comments, which belong not to me but to the people who left them, and I felt bad because they were in my care.
As soon as I discovered my mistake, I made a beeline to Google cache and found the post and made a copy, but the comments were not part of the screen. But I think I still have them as part of my email, so I will go though my email and try to construct the post along with the comments as best I can. I'll get to it as soon and I apologize for the screw-up.
In the meantime, I'm working hard on my next post for Big Hollywood, which I hope to finish this weekend.
See you in Hollywood...
